Sick Inside
by justanoutlaw
Summary: Scrabble verse. Must read that first. Kathryn knows cheating on David is wrong. She also knows that he's in love with someone else.


**This is just Kathryn's P.O.V from Scrabble. I'm not trying to justify her choice to cheat, but as they like to say, there are two sides to every story.**

**Mentions of infidelity, so if that's not something you like, don't read.**

_I'm just a girl who kissed a boy who is in love with someone else.-Hope Partlow_

Kathryn is 23 years old when she meets David. She's new to town, with her nursing degree and a job at Storybrooke General. The town is small and idyllic, a far cry from Boston where she grew up.

He's handsome, tall with curly blonde hair, flashy blue eyes and a crooked grin. From the moment their eyes lock at the diner, she's hooked. He asks her out to dinner and from there, it's history. She had vowed not to get serious with anyone until her 30s, but there's something about him. He cares so much for animals and those around him. She'd do anything to keep that smile on his face.

Things are good for the first month. He tells her a lot about his friends, especially one named Mary Margaret. Kathryn isn't jealous or threatened, she's a woman. Of course David can have friends of the opposite sex, she has them too.

And then they meet.

Mary Margaret is beautiful, one of the kindest people out there, and that makes it worse.

She and David have inside jokes, they can have these silent eye conversations. They hang on each other's every word.

"Did you and Mary Margaret ever date?" Kathryn asks as he walks her back to their apartment.

"Of course not," David laughs, as if it's the most hilarious thing he's ever heard. "She's my best friend."

So, that's what Kathryn tells herself for 3 years. She continues to date David and things are good…when he's not talking about a funny story Mary Margaret told or they're having double dates with her boyfriend, Victor Whale. She wonders if he can see it too, but quickly realizes that he has no interest in Mary Margaret. She's alone with her thoughts. It's not as if David means to lead her on, she knows this. He really thinks that there's nothing there, that this is a normal relationship to have with a best friend. He's not trying to hurt her.

So why does her body ache whenever he mentions her name?

She thinks things will be different 2 years in when he proposes and they are, for a bit. Mary Margaret isn't around much, she's having her own issues with Victor and Kathryn can tell that a part of her isn't exactly okay with the engagement. Maybe it's mean, but Kathryn doesn't care.

When James dies, it's not David who tells her, but Mary Margaret. She's at the store after work one evening and runs into her.

"I thought you'd rush right home," Mary Margaret whispers, tilting her head. "I was just there, but he sent me away."

"David?"

"He got a call from his step-father. James…James was killed."

She wants to ask why David didn't tell her, why his first call was to Mary Margaret…but she doesn't have to. When she gets there, he's silent, clearly in pain. So, she wraps her arms around him and does her best to comfort him, but doesn't know how. All she ends up saying is the wrong things. Like, maybe it shouldn't hurt so much since they didn't talk for so long. The look he gives her makes her know she screwed up and she hates that.

She skips the wake to work a double shift and debates not going to the funeral. Mary Margaret will be there after all. But, she knows if she doesn't go, it's the end of their relationship and she's not ready to let go. She's spent 3 years in this relationship and she doesn't want to let go now.

They're married 3 months later. It's a grand affair, her father walks her down the aisle. Mary Margaret is David's "best woman" and she smiles at Kathryn, telling her how pretty she looks. Kathryn hopes again that it's the beginning of something new.

Yet, things stay the same. David loves her, she knows that. He'd never stray or cheat, but he doesn't open up to her the way he does Mary Margaret. She realizes that David could write a million novels about all her secrets, her fears, it all. Yet, could she even fill up a pamphlet with his own?

She feels like she's married to a stranger. He doesn't see it. He thinks things are fine, he's happy with how they are, but she's not.

And she knows she should walk away, just ask for a divorce, but that would be admitting defeat. So, she stays.

She meets Jim the same place she met David, Granny's Diner. She's coming off the third shift and he's about to head to the school, where he's a gym teacher of all things. They laugh over the irony and enjoy coffee. At first, she thinks nothing of it.

If David can have a best friend, why can't I?

They do the same for 3 months and David seems to like him. He even offers to set Jim up with people and the thought sours Kathryn's stomach and she doesn't know why.

Then it's Mary Margaret's birthday and David gets her a beautiful scarf, because she mentioned her old one had been stolen at the grocery store. It's so thoughtful. He buys Kathryn thoughtful gifts too, but it's still not the same. She can see the way they look at each other and she's had enough.

She calls Jim that night and shows up at his house in tears. She lets it all out, what she's been holding in for the past 4 years. She's tired of pretending like she's happy, she's tired of watching her husband be in denial She's just tired.

So she sleeps…with Jim.

And she's happy again. The pep is back in her step, she's able to be a better wife. She's not crying anymore.

They continue sleeping together and she knows she should end it, with one of them at least. Do it before anyone gets hurt.

Then one day, David comes home early. He switched shifts with Graham and he catches Jim's bare ass laying on top of the sheets.

The look in his eyes, the betrayal and the hurt. Kathryn feels guilty for not feeling guilty. She doesn't want him to hurt, but she also has spent so long doing the same.

The divorce is amicable. He gives her the apartment, she gives him their boat that he bought her for their wedding. Neither wants any money, they just want to move on.

"Why?" David whispers the day they sign the papers. "Why did you do this?"

Kathryn bites her lip and the words slide out before she can help it. "You never came to me. You always went to her."

He doesn't even have to ask who she's talking about. "We're just friends. I never…"

"I know you never cheated on me. You're a good guy, David. You never meant to hurt me, but that doesn't mean that you didn't."

"You cheated!" He exploded. "You didn't tell me you were unhappy! You seemed fine!"

"And if you really knew me, you wouldn't have thought that I really was!" She shouted back. "Jim knows when I'm upset! But I guarantee you if I had a pixie cut and taught 4th grade, you'd know exactly when I was down!"

"That's not fair! I'm not a mind reader!"

And she knows she could've said something, she knows he's right. Yet, she also knows it wouldn't have made much difference.

"I'm sorry I hurt you," she whispers and she means it. "But I am not sorry for finally letting myself be happy. Let's just walk away from this as a lesson learned.'

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Don't date someone else until you've really thought through your feelings for Mary Margaret. No one else deserves this."

And with that, she walks out of the courthouse, tears burning in her eyes. She knows she wasn't 100% right.

But she's also not 100% wrong.


End file.
